February 14, 2012 • Page 11 shop online at www.missourivalleyshopper.com LAURA ON LIFE The Feeling of New Jeans You know that feeling you get when you buy new clothes and wear them for the ?rst time? Don’t you feel great? When you wear new clothes, it feels as if you are a new person. It’s the same feeling you get after your house has been freshly painted. It feels like a new home. Not that the old you was so bad, but the new you can conquer the world. It shows in your attitude. It’s written all over your face. People might even comment that there is something different about you… and it’s not just your clothes. So if new clothes make you feel so good, why do we go to so much trouble to make sure nobody knows they are new? When I was growing up, getting a new pair of sneakers was cause for a private celebration. But what did we do? We took those sneakers out in the yard, rolled them in dirt and beat the stuf?ng out of them with a baseball bat until you could tell someone you’d had them for months and they would believe it. It was apparently okay to allow one’s friends to think they were not very observant. When we acquired a new pair of jeans, we were ecstatic in spite of the amount of effort and laundry detergent required to make them look like they weren’t… a new pair of jeans. “New? Nah, I’ve had these for years.” I believe the idea here was to make your friends think you had lost so much weigh you could ?t into your old jeans again. It made sense that getting your sister’s handme-down jeans would be the best scenario: “new” jeans without all the work. Unfortunately, we – like teenagers everywhere – did not make sense at all. Hand-medowns were an embarrassment to be avoided at all costs. You’d go naked before you’d allow your sister to comment on “her” jeans within earshot of your friends. What should we blame for this lack of common sense? In my opinion, it all started with Permanent Press shirts. We didn’t want the work of ironing shirts, but to wear one with wrinkles meant you were probably brought up by wolves. Permanent Press meant you never have to iron shirts again, right? Not really. But it was all the excuse we needed. Present day, if there are a few wrinkles in your shirt (even Permanent Press) you are considered “cool.” If your hair has the Just-RolledOut-Of-Bed look, you’re Laura Snyder not lazy, you’re fashionable. If you also haven’t shaved in three days, you are nominated for Manof-the Year. Shortly after Permanent Press came prewashed jeans. New jeans without the work! The collective cry went up: Huzzah! They were more expensive, but to many of us, they were well worth it. When we got holes in them, our moms put patches on them. That soon became a fashion faux pas just like hand-me-downs. So rather than making patches the “in” thing, we made holes the “in” thing. What?! Now we can buy jeans, pre-frayed and perforated with lots of holes, and they cost MORE money than perfectly intact jeans! Similarly, in the case of bikinis, the less fabric there is, the more it costs. Oooh! That really burns my bagels!... Not that I could wear a bikini anyway. It’s only a matter of time before we will be able to buy pre-smudged eyewear at twice the price of the spotless pair. We can look forward to buying premium bathtubs with soap scum rings permanently engraved into the enamel and mirrors with preetched water spots. How about cars that come with the “rusted look” option? Only $300 more! Another $200 if you want the “rear-ended look.” Shopping-cart dings are $50 each. The most sought-after china pattern will have gravy stains and risotto decorating the rims. Premium carpeting will come with Kool-Aid stains and pet hair. And Macy’s will sell men’s underwear with skid marks embroidered in them. However, only those people with the most discerning tastes will buy these items. They are, of course, those people with more money… and less sense. Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist, author & speaker. You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more info. & DiningEntertainment Book Your Weddings at JoDean’s .com St. John’s Fish Fry Friday, February 24th, 2012 St. John’s Parish Center Fordyce, NE Serving 5-9 p.m. ALL YOU CAN EAT Adults: $8.00 • Kids (6-12): $4.00 • 5 & under: FREE Yankton • 605-665-9884 OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK CJ’s At The Lake OPEN ALL YEAR! CJatthelake.com for menu’s, events & bands 402-388-4267 SPONSORED BY FORDYCE COOP Cornhusker Run FREE Bus Ride TO FORT RANDALL Weigan Rd., NE side of the lake • 10 miles north of Crofton 11 miles southwest of Yankton BREAKFAST BUFFET EVERY SUNDAY 8-11 AM SUNDAY NITE: 3 Piece Chicken & Salad Bar ONLY $8.95 MONDAY: 14 Oz. Ribeye wih Salad Bar $12.95 TUESDAY: Taco 99¢ WEDNESDAY: 14 Oz. Ribeye with Salad Bar $12.95 THURSDAY: Hamburgers $1.00 FRIDAY: All-You-Can-Eat Walleye & Grilled Shrimp ONLY $13.95 SATURDAY: All-You-Can-Eat Bar-B-Q Ribs ONLY $13.95 or Prime Rib with Salad Bar ONLY $13.95 Wednesday, February 22, March 7, 21 9:00 a.m. Frying Pan Departure $10 Per Person & You Get $30 For $20 Making Your Ride FREE FLY TO VEGAS 2012 UCLA Football Trip $750 Saturday, September 8 For More Info Call (402) 379-1061 Attention! Quilt Raffle Vendors Wanted for Wagner Farm, Home, Garden & Sports Show Vermillion Public Library Thursday, March 22, 2012 Show your newest products for farm, home, garden & lawn & sports! For more information or applications: Half of the CALL: Matt Cerny (605) 384-3741 or booth space are already Dorothy Holzbauer (605) 384-3671 or online at www.cityofwagner.org reserved! 18 Church St. • Vermillion, SD Tickets can be purchased now through April. $ 5 per ticket or 6 for $25 Proceeds from the raffle will be used to furnish the new and expanded Vermillion Public Library. The quilt was donated by Pauline Grossman Sponsored by the Vermillion Public Library Foundation. For more information call 677-7060 or visit vpl.sdln.net