051419_YKMV_A10.pdf
May 14, 2019 • Page 10
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The Bookworm
‘Club’ Is Frank, Engaging Look At Personal Loss
“The Hot Young Widows Club” by Nora McInerny; ©
2019, TED Books; 95 pages
———
BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER
Sometimes, life stinks.
Bad things happen to great people but truly horrible
things happen to you - things like losing a loved one,
and that’s indescribable. Your emotions feel like shuffled
cards: you’re foggy, sad, angry, exhausted, and tired of
dealing with it all. So what do you do next? You take a
deep breath and read “The Hot Young Widows Club” by
Nora McInerny.
Nora McInerny knows grief. She shouldn’t have to,
but she does because her husband died some time ago
at age 35, just before her father died, just before she
miscarried what would have been her second child. And
if that sounds like a lot, it is but she says not to compare
her situation to yours. Loss is not a competition because
“who could possibly win?”
If this is your first big loss, welcome to a club you
“had no intention of joining.” What you may not realize
yet is that you’re in good company, although dealing
with your loss is uniquely yours and there are no rules
or “right” ways to grieve, no expiration date, and there
are no shoulds.
Although,
maybe you should
think about finding
someone who’s
been through this
walk of widowhood, too, so you
can scream into
pillows together.
McInerny recommends a “support
group” of one or
a dozen but find
them on your own
timeframe and
do it in your own
way. Oh, and “stop
saying yes to the
[things] you don’t want to do.”
Remember that “you are not a machine, and grief is
not a program you can run.” If you’ve been through loss
before, know that “every … loss is different …” Understand that people can be awkward, they can be dumb,
and that not every friendship will last beyond your grief.
Accept help by naming a “Grief Manager” to coordinate
everyone who wants to help do the “stuff you need
done.” Embrace these words: “Why do you ask?” when
faced with nosiness. And finally, remember that “Time
can change you, and it will. But it can’t change [the
departed], and it won’t.”
When you head to the store to buy your copy of “The
Hot Young Widow’s Club,” be sure to pick up a package
of sticky paper flags. You’ll use them up on every page of
this helpful, hopeful book.
Truly, this is unlike any “coping with loss” book
you’ve ever seen; first, because author Nora McInerny ignores euphemisms. There’s no candy-coating death and
no hiding what happened, so she uses the “D” word with
honesty and gusto. She also uses humor, too, although
it’s not the ROFL kind; instead, it’s humor of the sort
that survivors use at the end of a crisis. And that, as she
shows readers, is what you’ll be: a survivor, even though
you’ll still cry sometimes.
This is not a book for raw widows or widowers, but
they’ll want it eventually; it’s a little irreverent, but it’s
just what they’ll need, in time. Indeed, life sometimes
stinks — but “The Hot Young Widows Club” absolutely
does not.
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